Friday, September 21, 2007
(Trying not to) cry over spilled milk
D: I have been a working mother for exactly half of my children’s lives. People are always asking me how ‘it’s going’. I usually shrug and tell them that it’s hard to be away from the boys. Maybe I mention how tired I have been, trying to get everything done. But lately it’s all the other answers to that question, the ones I usually don’t give people, that keep echoing in my head. It’s the answers I don’t want to give, because quite frankly I’ve never been a complainer.
But the more people ask, the more I want to tell them the truth. I want to tell them exactly how exhausted I am all the time…navigating my way through a work day, trying to stay alert on less then 5 hours of consecutive sleep. I want to share my feelings of inadequacy because I can’t seem to get enough done during a work day… I can’t seem to truly feel satisfied with the work that I’m doing…I can’t seem to get ANY where on time. I want to tell people about the measly two minutes of rest I give myself each night after work, alone in my car with my eyes closed in the daycare parking lot, before the insanity of our evening routine consumes my next 3 hours. I want people to know how hard I truly work to compensate for lost time while pumping my breast milk 3 times a day or leaving early when the kids are sick.
I recently read somewhere that for every highest height that motherhood offers, there are the lowest depths of mommy guilt right around the corner. If the guilt of being away from my kids isn’t bad enough, the stress of settling for mediocrity at work is a killer. I am learning that even someone like myself, a go-go-go type gal, can get stretched too thin…pulled in too many directions at one time. The problem with motivated, career focused women becoming moms is that we become motivated, kid focused women while still trying to keep up our standards at work. I haven’t figured out how to find this balance yet…thus the emotionally turbulent blog rant.
I think I want to share these things because I wish that I would’ve known how I was going to feel, being a working mother. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have changed my decision to go back, but it may have helped me prepare for it a bit more.
Now for the funny working mom story that sent me over the edge…
Yesterday on my way out of the office I grabbed my precious 13 ½ oz. of breast milk from our shared office fridge (do you think other people in the office think that’s gross?). I tossed the bottle in my tote bag and, having a few minutes to kill before my bus comes, I went around the office to bid farewell to my co-workers. It wasn’t until 30 seconds before I had to head out the door to catch my bus that someone pointed out to me that my tote bag had been leaking all over the office floor. Upon investigation, I find deep in the bottom of my breast milk soaked bag, the bottle with the cap slightly unscrewed and only 3oz of milk for my babies remaining. Not only did I get disgusted looks from my coworkers, but while on the crowded bus (that I nearly missed because I was frantically trying to clean up the mess) everyone around me thought I smelled like spoiled milk.
Breast milk…yet another casualty of the working mother.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Show & Tell
W: I never thought it would be us, but there we were, the "example" parents with twins in tow, in front of 15 expectant twin moms and their soon-to-be twin dads or partners. But wait a second...let me back up a bit.
If you'll recall, about a year ago here on this blog, we reported that we took Sheryl Rasmussen's (R.N.) "Expecting Multiples" class at the University of Washington Medical Center. It is a must for soon-to-be parents of twins in the Seattle area. And when we took the class, Sheryl invited some twin parents that had taken her course to come by and show that IT CAN BE DONE.
Well, long story short, this past Thursday evening, Sheryl invited us to share our experience with her new "Expecting Multiples" class. We were beyond excited to return to the class, but this time on the other side of parenthood.
The night before the class , we talked about what we wanted to share with the group, and it all came out when we started talking to everyone:
Expect bed rest. Tell your doctor what you expect your delivery to be like. It is possible to sleep with twins. You won't f---ing believe how many people say, "Double Trouble" or "You must have your hands full." Be flexible with your set up of your home and your schedule, but dammit, you must have a schedule. It's different than parenting one at a time...sometimes you must make choices between who gets attention. The Urban Mountain Buggy ROCKS. Don't be a shut-in because you have twins. Logistics, logistics, logistics. And get help: family, doulas, friends.
We were supposed to talk for 20 minutes but we took an hour. The question and answer session was great too. "What was the one thing that no one told you about having twins?"
"Seriously? No one told me how much fun it would actually be. "
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Milestones
D: So many enormous changes are happening with our little guys every day. Both kiddos are eating just about anything we put in front of them, 3 times a day. (We are still keeping it simple... mashed fruit and veggies with oatmeal.) F has been crawling now (an actual 4 point crawl, not just the army crawl) for 3 weeks at least. He is a quick little guy so I am pretty lucky that O is not as mobile yet, making it easier to get through our days in our still un-child-proofed house. Don't worry, it's gonna happen tomorrow...or at least the process begins. I'm sure we have NO idea how much we will have to change.
The last month has been a tough one for us, as we've been trying to "sleep train" the boys. Basically we are trying to get rid of the night feeding that was happening once, maybe twice, per child each night between 3 and 5am. It's been a very tough road... starting with my sobs and pleas to allow me to breast feed and ending with 3 glorious nights of each of them sleeping through the night, 7:30pm-6am. Unfortunately, on the 4th night both kids came down with a nasty bug, making it hard for them to keep anything down so their sleep was disrupted considerably. They are still getting over it and once they are healthy again we are back on track. Sleep, beautiful sleep...here I come.
Their most recent achievement has been the twins' ability to stand while holding onto something stationary. And even more, F has pulled himself up to a stand on his own. They LOVE standing. Their new favorite game is to stand in their own cribs (1 foot apart from each other) and swat at each other while cracking up laughing.
This morning, I pulled O into bed with me to feed him while F was still sleeping. We heard F wake up, and start to stir in his crib. The next sound we hear is music from his mobile that he has recently discovered he can turn on himself. A few minutes later we start to hear him yell. W goes into the nursery to find F standing on the side of the crib, looking into O's empty crib and yelling for his brother!
Monday, September 03, 2007
Baby's Best Friend
W: Four years ago, when our lovable, loyal, four-legged, yellow-furred friend came into our lives, people said, "My! What a pretty Lab - and they are just soooo great with kids, too." At the time we shrugged, but today, we're here to tell you, that those people had no idea just how great this particular Yellow Labrador would be with the Deuce.
By the time he was a one-year-old (seven in dog years), we knew Sedro (SAY-dro) was a super-kid-dog when our neighbor's five-year-old son Evan started coming over every afternoon to play with him in our dog run area. Once he even declared Sedro his "best friend" after playing a game with him in the yard for over an hour (apparently, Sedro lost the game 3 points to Evan's 22).
Now Sedro is four (twenty-eight), and he's has had to take a bit of a back seat around Twin Town; we simply can't go to the park every night to play fetch, and Evan, now eight, asks for a dollar to play with him for a half hour (I know, I know...it's a good deal, so don't tell Evan just yet, Okay? Thanks. He should figure these things out on his own.)
Despite the short shrift, Sedro has adjusted to the Deuce like he's Old Yeller. When we leave the room, he stays by the twins' side. When they take a nap, he sleeps next to their crib. He watches over them. And now that the twins can crawl to him, he doesn't move...instead he just lets them climb all over him like a big yellow-furry Labrador jungle-gym.
The best part - according to Sedro - is that the twins are starting to fling food all over the kitchen, which suits him just fine. Friends for life, indeed.
