Sunday, July 27, 2008
Mr Independent
D: To say that our son, O, is strong willed is an understatement. And while I need to keep reminding myself what our pediatrician told us about this stage being very important for their character building and strong emotional development, I can't help but be frustrated with how much of a struggle things have become.
It's not just with O; of course they are both going through it. F actually went through a bit of it first, a few weeks ago. But his impatience for things not going exactly as his way has been more vocalized... in a high pitched scream. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of high pitched screams, but his protests are often comforted when I reach my open my arms to him and he comes running into them for a big hug. I tell him how sorry I am that he is frustrated, and we can move along pretty quickly to the next task at hand.
O, on the other hand, will have nothing to do with anyone when he is upset. Even if that someone holds the power to make everything better... he doesn't want any part of it.
Case in point: O has run out of water in his sippy cup. He starts to get frustrated. I offer to fill it up, but he won't let go of it. I offer to assist him in filling it up in the sink, but he runs to the other side of the room and cries, clutching the empty cup. If I come near him, forget it... I've just insulted his dignity and he throws himself to the floor.
What's most frustrating about this stage, is how hard it must be for the little guy. I am trying to be as empathetic as I can, in all aspects of my parenting. And so I really try to feel how hard it must be to have such a rush of emotions to sort out for the first time. We are very complicated beings, after-all.
I just miss those times when I could dry the tears with a big mama-hug and a smothering if kisses. And while the hugs and kisses will always be readily available for both my children, I am learning for the first time they need to work some of this out on their own.
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i am hearing you very clearly on this one. we have a bit of the same round these parts. mason is determined to be as independent and head strong as possible. i understand, he is like a mirror of parts of myself. but it makes it no easier. owen is easier, but still a challenge.
just know you are not alone in this situation. and i'll think about this post when he is 'working out' his stuff. thanks.
sounds just like abel! in fact, sometimes i feel like i'm living with a teenager. he gets so mad/frustrated/annoyed that he runs into our room and SLAMS the door! i definitely didn't expect that one just yet. oz is able to move past his frustrations pretty quickly, and he has the high-pitched scream, too. but abel will not be consoled, arches back hard if i try and pick him up, and i've realized that he just needs his space to work through it. at first i felt like i was neglecting him, but when i realized he comes around much quicker without my assistance, i've started to feel better about it. so interesting...
We're with you here, man. Although Finn has his moments, currently it's Reid who is uber-frustrated and just can't shake it, even when we try our best to make it all better.
Reid will not relinguish his empty sippy cup (but throws a fit if it is empty), so I tell him that I am going to get him another sippy cup, fill it with water and then set it on the table. And if he wants it, he can have it.
We do a lot of "I know you're frustrated but..." conversations.
It's just the beginning....
Ha! Am getting ready to post a similar story on Dylan's blog. Been reading the tantrums section of "becoming the parent you want to be" -- good book.
Help! fellow twin parent!
I am flying in a few weeks to Florida from San Francisco with my 6 year old and 18month old twin boys. Would I be an absolute moron by not getting both twins a seat? Did you fly anywhere when your boys were at this C R A Z Y stage? Of course my twins are much crazier than my oldest boy ever was...so I think I know the answer to my own question. Looking for twin tips!