Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sad News

D: During the last few weeks I’ve been haunted with some terrible news, given by my neighbor in passing, about a very distant mutual acquaintance. This acquaintance is someone whom I’ve only met twice, but I connected with her because she was pregnant with twins. At the time I was 6 months deep into diapers and thought I could offer some insight into what she had to look forward to. During our interactions we discussed double-pregnancy woes, the must-buy twin accessories and strollers, and coping with sleep deprivation. Since that time I have thought of her often, wondering how she has eased into life with her twins.

Unfortunately, the recent news revealed that one of her children did not make it past a few days of life on this earth. I was immediately struck with the memory of one of my first thoughts I had when I found out I was having twins… “the odds are against me”. It was sad, but true… at the time I needed to reconcile with the fact that, as with any high-risk pregnancy (as all multiple pregnancies are), I had to prepare myself for the worst.

I’ve also been thinking about how terrified I was when I was on bed rest in the hospital, fighting for my children’s lives. And of course I can’t stop thinking about how incredibly fortunate I am that my children are both born healthy. There is not a day that goes by, when I am not reminded of how blessed I am for my children. But it is the impact of such news that reminds me of how fortunate we are to have beaten the odds.

I know that I gave this mother a link to our blog, and there is a chance that she may be reading this. If you are, I just want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your child. I have heard that your new baby is wonderful and beautiful and doing really well, offering you immeasurable joy through your immense pain.

Please know you are still in my thoughts.

Posted by Walker Lockhart @ 4:16 PM

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So, so sad. I was only at the beginning of my 2nd trimester when I was reading along with Rob over at How About Two. His wife had made it to something like 38 weeks and had a scheduled c-section. You'd think everything would be just great, but then Doss was so much smaller than they expected, and he died 11 days later. I cried so hard for someone I'd never met, because it just proves... you never know. You just never know. All of my "complaints" are so minor, because I'm so lucky to have two healthy kids.

Posted by Blogger Goddess in Progress @ Thursday, March 13, 2008 10:09:00 AM #

I agree with Goddess. You just never know.

As much as I complain about something that, in the grand scheme of things, is incredibly minor, I am constantly reminded of what a miracle it is that we have healthy children. And, of course, all the sleepless nights in the world are worth it, because we made it! They made it.

I was visiting How About Two's blog last week, which coinsided with the 1-year anniversary of Doss' death. It is hard not to get chills and blurry eyes and to not think "that could have been me." when watching the video montage. Even though I've never met Doss' parents, there is an incredible ache in my heart for their loss.

As all mothers of multiples know, you are confronted with the High Risk label from the get go. Even the best glass-is-half-full person has got to be prepared for the worst. That's just life with a high risk pregnancy.

Every time I hear a story like this, it makes me hug my kids a little longer and a little tighter.

I'm am so very sorry for your aquaintance's loss.

Posted by Blogger Carrie & Brook @ Thursday, March 13, 2008 11:54:00 AM #

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts. Randi mentioned that she ran into you guys recently. We miss Ethan so much, but also feel so fortunate to have our healthy little Cameron. It has been such a time of extreme emotions on either side.

We started following your blog when we were pregnant looking forward to what we had in store with identical boys and found ourselves both overwhelmed and overjoyed. We still follow it now, in many ways, I think it is actually part of my grieving process and somewhat therapeutic. Sometimes I laugh at your boy’s adorable antics, sometimes I cry at how adorable they are, and feel sad that we are not able to have our own little duo.

In many ways I am sad for us, also sad that Ethan had to struggle, but mostly I am sad that Cameron will never know his twin and have that special relationship. Sometimes when he is fussy I wonder if it is a deep loneliness that none of us can fill. I think we all overcompensate and pour more love into this little guy than I knew was possible. As you mentioned the odds were definitely stacked against us with a twin pregnancy, and life was just too much of a struggle for our guy’s pour little heart.

We did not have a service after Ethan’s passing in November. Instead we have decided to celebrate him in one of the ways that made the most sense for our family. We are trying to bring some good from the bad, and celebrate him with our friends and family as we host a fun run in his honor to help raise funds for the Heart Center at Children’s Hospital. Please feel free to join us and pass along the invitation to anyone that you think may enjoy it. Ethan’s Run (or walk, stroll, and kids run, toddle, crawl) is planned for July 26th at Seward Park. There will be details available on our blog Please feel free to stay in touch (my email is we love following your boys- give them a squeeze for us.

Megon (and Ian and Cameron)

Posted by Blogger The Punoble's @ Sunday, March 16, 2008 10:47:00 AM #

I am friend's with Mike and Ireen Bacino and when I was pregnant with my identical twin girls they gave me your site to check out. It has helped me through soo much I can't even begin to tell you. So, thanks! The swaddling, flying, crying, etc. Your posts rock! This post just broke my heart. My girls spend some time at Children's every month, and are more work than I could ever imagine, but I can't even fathom not having both of them. Your boys are so cute!! And I've been meaning to commend you for getting so far in your pregnancy. Way to tough it out. I only made it to 34 weeks, but the girls are doing well now. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and thank for your great posts! Feel free to check out our blog if you want:


Posted by Blogger Kate @ Monday, March 17, 2008 7:47:00 AM #
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