Wednesday, February 13, 2008

New Territory

~O climbs up the window with a wooden block in his hand, turns towards me…smiles.

~I shake my head and say “stop”. (Trying very hard not to smile and laugh at how stinkin’ cute he is!)

~O turns back to the window, raises the wooden block, turns towards me again…smiles.

~Again, I shake my head, use the sign for “stop” with my hands, and say, “stop”, this time suggesting that he come play with his brother and me.

~O turns towards to window, looks at the block in his hand, looks at the window, shakes his head back and forth, turns towards me and smiles… as he walks over to join his brother and me.

I know I’m living in a dream world if I think it’s always going to be so easy. At this point I am just thrilled that we are starting to communicate with each other about what it means to make good decisions.

W and I are committed to using positive parenting techniques with our children. This means that we rarely say “no”, but rather… redirect, redirect, redirect. We also try to explain the rules we are trying to teach with simple and consistent phrases such as “too high”, “hot” and “ouch”. This is a lot of work with twins, since there is a lot of running around in different directions. There are times when I’ve been across the room and turn around to find one of the kids into mischief. I have to consciously stop myself from yelling “NO”. It has been explained to me by other twin parents that every time I say "NO", I can plan it hearing it back at me, 10 times more, shouted by two screaming toddlers in a few short months.

Of course, “no” has it’s place. But in order to preserve its impact we reserve it for the rare instances when they are really in danger of getting hurt. I have a lot to learn about forming a mutually respectful relationship with our children, while also setting firm boundaries with them. I've been doing a little bit of reading, but can’t seem to find any books that are specific (or even mention) twins.

For all you twin parent readers, do you know of any good positive parenting books for toddlers?

Posted by Walker Lockhart @ 10:43 AM

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Positive parenting (as much as possible anyway) has worked extremely well for C for over 3 years. Ken & I are constantly redirecting. It requires a little more time to explain "why" instead of "because I said so", but ultimately is a whole lot more fun and has saved us a lot of time in the discipline dept.

That said, when we've caught C in dangerous situations (ie, about to play with a giant steakknife she found rolled in a restaurant napkin) a fear-filled "NO!" is the best way to get her attention. I think because she doesn't hear it all day, it makes more of an impact when spoken.

Also a friend of mine with boy/girl twins recommends a "mom's morning out" or morning- only preschool as soon as children stop their morning naps. She said it gave each of her children the chance to explore the outside world on their own & later, choose their own playmates. (I'm a fan of Montessori school starting at age 3).

Anyway, the books "A Mind at a Time" (interesting to learn how all those synapses connect) and "Toddler 411" (more practical) may be helpful.

But you don't need advice from me... Looks like you two are doing a great job & having a ball together. They are just so darn cute!

all our best to you
deb ken & c

Posted by Blogger kennethrbailey @ Friday, February 15, 2008 5:42:00 AM #

One more thing... one friend with 3 year-old twins recommends the "1-2-3 Magic DVDs"... esp. as the kids get older and discipline/boundaries become harder to negotiate. - deb

Posted by Blogger kennethrbailey @ Friday, February 15, 2008 10:01:00 AM #
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